Modern Mythical Creatures
 

Land-Based Modern Mythical Creatures

This web page details all we know of the land-based mythical creatures that still survive to this day. This classification can be a tricky one, since land in general contains many different ecosystems and habitats, but we have organized our information as such as to include Plastic Worms, Urban Brownies, and Animate Machines as all the Land-Based Modern Mythical Creatures we know of. We heavily suspect the existence of more types of creatures than these, so we do insist that anyone who has information on such a thing report it to us immediately, so that it may be catalogued for the good of humanity.

Plastic Worms

Plastic Worms are a rarely seen relative of the extinct Mongolian Deathworm, and great voracious worm that once haunted the arid deserts of Mongolia.

These creatures make their homes almost exclusively in landfills, and seem to prefer larger landfills to smaller ones, as the colossal growth of the Plastic Worm is only limited by the size of the landfill it inhabits. They hunt by lying in wait in the underground depths of the landfills and emerging only at night to snap up birds and squirrels and anything else they can get their serrated maws around. Most Plastic Worms are so big that they must constantly hunt to sustain themselves. Despite this, incidents involving Plastic Worms are very rare. We hypothesize that Plastic Worms eat the more digestable pieces of trash in their landfills in order to sate their massive appetites between successful hunts.

There are only a few sightings of Plastic Worms on record, and the witnesses all gave a similar description as to what Plastic Worms actually look like. They are massive worms, the smallest adults are about the size of a school bus, and the largest reported one was allegedly 'as long as a train and bigger across than an interstate highway.' It is well-known that Plastic Worms have no limit on their growth, and could quite possibly grow forever if given the chance. Their skin is rough and scratchy, and takes on the colors of the garbage the Plastic Worm lives in. We believe their skin is white or clear at birth. They are enormously muscled, so much so that occasionally one will outgrow it's skin and grow a new one, leaving what appears to be a gigantic garbage-colored snakeskin behind. Most landfill-goers assume them to be garbage-encrusted tarps, but DNA analysis reveals them to be shed skin. The Plastic Worm also features a huge circular maw, multiple rows of jagged, serrated teeth, which it uses to snare it's prey and drag into the depths of the landfill to be eaten alive, either by the Plastic Worm or it's spawn.

The reproductive cycle of the Plastic Worm is assumed to be similar to that of the Mongolian Deathworm, in that all Plastic Worms are hermaphrodites and begin to reproduce asexually around their tenth year. The young of the Plastic Worm are most likely small, rather normal-looking white or clear worms that gather in the Plastic Worm's den as it produces them. The baby worms will spend their first year eating the food their progenitor brings them and storing up energy for the next step of their journey. Once they are strong enough, they will leave the landfill and begin to wander until they find a suitable environment to begin growing in. Most of the babies will not make it to a new home, as most get eaten or dry up in the sun. The ones that do survive and find a landfill to live in that doesn't already contain a Plastic Worm will begin to eat voraciously anything they can and grow rapidly during this period, until they reach the size of a small school bus and their skin takes on the colors of the garbage around them. Once they have reached this point, the growth slows down greatly, but never stops unless the landfill is in danger of becoming too small for them due to their tremendous size. In their tenth year, every Plastic Worm digs out a den and begins to produce spawn, and will continue to do so every decade for the rest of it's life. The Plastic Worm's definitive lifespan is unknown, but it is hypothesized that they can live forever, provided they keep eating, much like the Mongolian Deathworm would have.

One witness reported seeing a plastic worm in 2020 and described it thus: It's like a little worm, except it's big, and covered in trash, and smells like trash. I don't like it.

It should also be noted that Plastic Worms are highly toxic, due to an accumulation of toxic chemicals in their bodies, and that even their shed skin must be handled with the care one would afford and biohazard or chemical spill.

Despite their fearsome nature, there have been very few incidents in which a Plastic Worm ate a human. This could be due to the reduced presence of humans in landfills, or simply a preference on the Plastic Worm's part. It is also generally accepted that Plastic Worms are beneficial to their enviroments, as they eat and trap great amounts of pollutants within their bodies. More information is needed.

Urban Brownies

In times past, Brownies were well known to be spirits of houses. They dwelled within said houses and took care of them, and cleaning them and keeping them liveable. But, in modern times, the notion of the house is not the same as it once was, as instead of lovely homesteads and bricked city homes, our cities now feature such things as skyscrapers and buildings of metal and concrete and glass. The old Brownies of our antiquated past have since adapted, and now we recogize two distinct types, each of which found a different way to adapt to modern life in the city.

Common Urban Brownies

These are the type of Urban Brownie most city-goers are likely to encounter. They are invisible to the eye, as all Brownies are, and have dedicated their unending lives to the upkeep of the city's buldings. They will often patch cracks in concrete, clean off graffiti and organize messes left behind in haste, all without being noticed. It is important to note that Brownies never care for buildings uninhabited by humans, and will even go out of their way to muddy up a building that has been abandoned by humans as a warning to other Urban Browies not to settle there. It has even been observed that certain Urban Brownies will become attached to certain human individuals and follow them wherever they live. We have catalogued one case in which a woman was born in a city, and attracted an Urban Browie when she was very young. Her family moved several times and the Urban Brownie followed every time. To this day, it has not left her side.

Trash Goblins

Trash Goblin is name given to the less pleasant half of Urban Brownies. They are Urban Brownies that became overwhelmed with the changes human society has gone through in the recent past, and as such, have given up on their role as caretakers and decided to live their lives however they see fit. This would not be the problem that is if it weren't for Urban Brownies affinity for living with humans, which the Trash Goblins share. Simply put, Trash Goblins will set out to do the exact opposite of what their kinder counterparts would do- make a mess of things. They are well-documented as stealing trash, painting terrible graffiti on abandoned buildings, and generally making a nuisance of themselves and a mess out of wherever they dwell.

It has been documented that Trash Goblins will build nests wherever they live, a feature that the other Urban Brownies don't share. These nest can be found anywhere that is in proximity to humans but still hidden away and unbothered, such as attics, basements, and alleyways. The nests are not like bird's nests- they are barely woven out of scrap paper and cardboard and plastic, and are often loosely decorated with the Trash Goblins' treasures, various item they have filched or stolen from garbage cans or dumpsters. Items stolen from dumpsters seem to hold a particular importance to them, likely because the owners of said items are usually their hated rivals, Dumpster Fairies, another such creature that we will go into detail on later. Oftentimes as many as three to four to a dozen Trash Goblins will live together in one nest, depending on it's size.

The following is a list of items that have reportedly been found ensconced in Trash Goblin nests:

It should also be noted that Trash Goblins and Common Urban Brownies do not get along, and will often fight over a human. These tiffs can last anywhere from a few minutes, to a human's full lifespan, in rare cases. Trash Goblins are also known to take physical forms from time to time, purely for their own enjoyment. They often appear as a small human with grayish, pale, or greenish skin, completely naked except for some article of clothing they've stolen, and completely bald as well, with a rat's tail, small, beady, black or green eyes, and long, extended ears. There are a few reports of Trash Goblins having claws.

Animate Machines

This type is creature has existed alongside humanity for what is probably longer than any other being we term a mythical creature. To explain it simply, they are invisble spirits that possess common items and do a variety with a things, both helpful and hurtful. The particular expression we look at here is what happens when these spirits possess electronics, as it has been seen that the electricity can make the spirits act in unusual ways that other possessed objects would not cause. They are difficult to classify, but we have managed to create our best attempt at an organized system, based on how Animate Machines interact with humans.

Animate Household Appliances

This is the most common kind of Animate Machine. They often will sit still for long periods of time when not powered, and when powered will begin to emit strange smells and sounds, and in some case gyrate wildly and throw themselves across rooms or out of windows. Our best attempts at research have determined the spirits find the human reactions to this behavior to be very amusing, and will keep doing it as long as it amuses them. If the spirits are ignored, they will gradually move on and go someplace else, sometimes in the same house, and sometimes not. Some wrongly attribute their behavior to 'poltergeists' which we have yet to confirm the existence of.

Animate Computers (including phones, tablets, laptops, etc.)

This is the second most common kind of Animate Machine. Animate Computers come about when the spirits of Animate Household Appliances get bored of their current form realize how humans use computers and phones, and decide to animate that instead. They often cause unbearable lag, an extreme multitude of ads, and once again, strange smells and sounds, in an effort to provoke an amusing reaction from a human. Once again, they will leave if ignored, but many humans have a difficult time ignoring their actions, so often a spirit will remain in a computer for a long time, only leaving when they get bored of one human and want another.

Animate Power Lines

These are a rarer expression of Animate Machine, and tend to be the most volatile, as their possessed objects have a great deal of electricity running through them. Oftentimes when a spirit possess a power line it will become paralyzed by the energy of the electricity and will lie in wait for years without doing anything. Because of this, they are very difficult to find. The Animate Power Line will never do anything until there is a power outage, or the electricity in the power line stops flowing. When this happens, years of pent-up energy will cause the spirit inside to behave very erratically and burst forth from it's possessed object and wreak havoc on it's surroundings. Often the power line is destroyed by outburst as well, as when a spirit is paralyzed by the eccessive electricity it cannot leave the power line, and harbours great hatred for it's cage. It has been found to be possible to make spirit traps that employ electricity to attract and contain spirits, though it should be noted that if the spirit gets loose it will vent it's fury on everything in vicinity, including the trap and any humans nearby. We recommend that you do not attempt to do such a thing.

Animate Vehicles

Animate Vehicles are very rarely seen, as spirits don't often like to possess large objects, but when they are it is a sight to behold, and unfortunately, not in a good way.

When an Animate Vehicle comes about, almost always involving an electric vehicle, the spirit will pull it's usual pranks, strange odors and sounds, and whatnot. When the vehicle is driven, the spirit will occasionally alter the course or speed up or slow down in order to get a rise out the human driving. After some time, the spirit will unknowingly begin to amass electricity from the engine, and the electricity will begin to cause the spirit to behave erratically and eventually become trapped, but not entirely paralyzed. By the time the spirit knows what's happened, it's too late and the spirit has become trapped. When this happens, one of two things will occur: The spirit will cause the vehicle to break down and no longer produce electricity so that it can escape, or the spirit will drive the vehicle itself and go on a rampage throughout the city and crash into as many things as possible in an effort to destroy the vehicle and free itself.

Other Miscellaneous Animate Devices

This is the category reserved for the expressions of Animate Machines that don't fit neatly into the other categories. Their behavior is usually quite similar to Animate Household Appliances. There are many expressions that are sorted into this category, including:

Animate Ironing Board:
Attempts to iron itself when no-one is around and burn itself. It does this in order to start fights among humans in the thinking that one of them destroyed the ironing board. The spirit will often leave the ironing board and cause other problems in the house to frustrate the humans and make them angrier with eachother, before it returns to the ironing board.
Animate Garbage Disposal:
Makes horrendous noises in the wee hours of the morning, but looks completely normal when inspected.
Animate Musical Instrument:
Lies in wait until the musician playing it is about to play something awesome and then breaks the musical instrument.
Animate Streetlight:
Waits for humans to pass by at night and then shuts off whenever they get close, so they have to walk in the dark.
Animate Toilet:
Produces awful odors, makes strange noises in the dead of night, occasionally damages plumbiing and (usually unsuccessfully) attempts to flush people down itself.

If it interests the reader, here is a couple of other much more well-known land-based modern mythical creatures which have been more thoroughly documented, and were thus excluded from our list:


Bigfoot

Fresno Nightcrawler

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